Obama Eventually Orders Chinese Delivery
Washington, D.C. (Reuters) - With Russia on the brink of invading the Ukraine over Crimea, President Obama's calls to Russian President Vladimir Putin went unanswered, until some guy named Michel picked up.
White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, stated early this morning that subsequent tries to reach Putin were also answered by Michel, who demanded after the fourth time, that Obama put him on the Do-Not-Call list, after which he promptly hung up, muttering Russian swear words.
A fifth try to Putin, this time dialed by Vice President Joe Biden, reached the Khachapuri Georgian Cafe in Moscow, known for its kebabs and khachapuri bread. After listening to the daily specials and being put on hold for two minutes, Biden politely asked for Mr. Putin. The response was silence, then a dial tone.
White House interns are currently trying to reach Putin via his Twitter account, but as of this story, are still unsuccessful.
Congress also briefly convened in the early morning hours to debate over how to pronounce Crimea on subsequent press releases, with an emphasis on the "I" or the "E." At last check, the vote was gridlocked with four abstentions.
Duke Signs Eleventh Plumlee
Durham, NC (Associated Press) Duke University Director of Athletics Kevin White has announced that the men’s basketball program has signed a national letter of intent with their eleventh Plumlee, seventeen year-old Morgan Plumlee.
NBA’s Oden Punches Ex-Girlfriend, Breaks Wrist, Likely Out For Season
Lawrence, IN (Associated Press) Former No. 1 overall draft pick Greg Oden's road to redemption in the NBA hit a rough patch Thursday morning as the 26-year-old free agent was arrested in Lawrence, Indiana.