Night And Day Become One In The Same
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is reportedly leaning heavily toward switching between night and day at will throughout the city, with adjustments precise enough to offer the difference between alternating and even converging city streets.
"New York City is known for its nightlife," Bloomberg stated, "so why not be known for extended nightlife, or nightlife in the middle of the afternoon?"
The Committee on Economic Development and the Committee on Land Use have been working on the plan for several months, and have involved city engineers from several different departments as well as the powers of voodoo practitioners. Officials would also like to spread daylight longer over higher crime areas for obvious reasons.
Fresh off successful planning for Hurricane Irene, the city is set to proceed with the plan in order to increase tourism revenue and also reduce demands on police, ambulance, and hospital emergency staff in neighborhoods where crime typically increases at night. “The economic benefits are limited only by our creativity,” stated Christine Quinn, Speaker of The New York City Council.
“How about a Jets’ game at night that is played in the sunshine, or the Yankees bat under the lights and the opponents bat in daylight?” Bloomberg surmised. “The possibilities to delight and secure the people of New York City are endless,” he said. The city is hoping for a rollout date of October 1 of this year based on successful testing.
Patriots Sign Leaf, Mandarich
Foxboro, MA (Associated Press) The NFL whirlwind offseason continues with teams signing, releasing, and trading free agents at a frenzied pace as the new season rapidly approaches. The New England Patriots are no exception, and have added Ryan Leaf and Tony Mandarich to the fold.
Harrison Fined $15,000 For Polamalu Tackle
Pittsburgh Steelers' badboy James Harrison was fined $15,000 by the NFL for the Troy Polamalu horse-collar tackle on Baltimore Ravens' running back Ricky Williams last week.