Crawford, TX (AP) - At approximately 6:55 pm today, a ranch bomb exploded near President Bush while he was calmly eating dinner.
Geraldine Simpkins, 32 and Manager of Lone Star Steakhouse, exclaimed "I've never seen a ranch bomb explode like that. President Bush was getting his normal ribeye and salad with 1000 island dressing when the ranch bomb exploded on the booth next to him."
"When that little ramekin of ranch dressing flew off my tray, I just watched in horror as it fell in slow motion toward the floor," explained Joyce Benson, the waitress who caused the commotion. "I never thought it would cause 6 Secret Servicemen to jump and shout so much."
"We call 'em ranch bombs because when they hit the floor, they explode in every direction. You oughta see the ketchup bombs!" added another server, Zack Beddick, "One time I had a ketchup bomb hit 5 different booths and the ceiling too; that's more air time than Michael Jordan!"
President Bush wasn't hurt but three of his bodyguards were seen changing shirts in the parking lot. Bush reportedly finished eating his steak as if nothing had happened.
Vigil Honors War Heroes, Dixie Chicks
Washington DC (Reuters) - Earlier today, a crowd of over 500,000 gathered at the mall in Washington DC to honor war victims, war heroes and their families. Celebrities and politicians made speeches, shook hands and doled out numerous autographs.
Great White To Perform Concert For Remaining Iraqi Soldiers
Washington, DC (Associated Press) The eighties heavy metal rock group Great White, known for its hard-hitting guitar and vocals and most recently for its disastrous show in a club in Rhode Island, will perform a similar show in Baghdad for the Iraqi soldiers who continue to resist Coalition troops.