Berlin, Germany (Reuters) - Due to a major drought in Germany, the river of Spree has begun flowing upstream. Scientists and fish alike have been baffled as the body of water seems to turn its nose at conventional physics.
Many people from the intelligence community have flocked to the river to view the unusual phenomenon. "It just isn't natural," states Geoff Rickenbacker, head physicist at Bell Laboratories, "Rivers don't change direction, it isn't physically possible."
Scientists and Physicists aren't the only ones confused, numerous fish that have pointed one direction against the current to swim all their life are now baffled as they look at completely different terrain. "They (the fish) just don't seem to know what to do," says Johan Streiss, Berlin resident, "they look like they're swimming in circles all day ... like they're lost or something."
This phenomenon has been an inspiration for doomsayers and prophecy-believers that read the works of Nostradamus. Hundreds have gathered at the river's edge to await the end of the world.
Philip Morris Bans Smoke Breaks
Richmond, VA (Reuters) - The tobacco giant Philip Morris circulated an internal memo yesterday that smoke breaks were no longer allowed on company time. The move shocked and dismayed the thousands of workers employed by the corporation.
Local Waffle House Hires Wedding Coordinator
Horn Lake, MS (AP) - The management staff at a local waffle house has produced so many weddings in the past 2 months that they have decided to hire a full-time wedding coordinator.